Uncle Evil
Uncle Evil is treed by a pack of feral children
Dad’s brother, the third of four boys. Uncle Evil comes to visit every now and then, which the boys quite enjoy.
Some Fun Facts about Uncle Evil —
- Uncle Evil sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.
- Uncle Evil frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.
- Pain is your body’s way of warning your brain that Uncle Evil is crushing your larynx.
- Uncle Evil does not hunt because the word “hunt” implies the possibility of failure. Uncle Evil goes killing.
- If you can see Uncle Evil, he can see you. If you can’t see Uncle Evil you may be only seconds away from death.
- Superman owns a pair of Uncle Evil pajamas.
- Uncle Evil doesn’t leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Uncle Evil.
- Every night, when the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed to make sure Uncle Evil isn’t hiding there.
- Uncle Evil can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Everyone fears the Grim Reaper. Except Uncle Evil, who thinks of him as a “promising apprentice”.
- Uncle Evil doesn’t sleep. He waits.
- When Uncle Evil goes to Starbucks and orders a “Large” coffee, nobody corrects him.
Uncle Evil Mottos —
- Be nice. Be polite. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
- Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.
- In God We Trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.
AKA: UncleEvil