Alice — Princess Grumpy-pants, Petite Flower, and Delicate Blossom of Girlhood

Aunt Debbie — Mom's aunt

Aunt Linda — Dad's sister-in-law

Charles — Our second child, son

Corwin — Our first child, son

Cousin Ashlyn — Paternal first cousin of the kids

Cousin Bryson — Paternal first cousin of the kids

Cousin Dana — Mom's maternal first cousin

Cousin Dawson — Paternal first cousin of the kids

Cousin Tara — Mom's maternal first cousin

Dad — The epitome of masculinity

Grandma — Maternal grandmother

Grandma Schneider — Mom's maternal grandmother

Mimi — Dad's mother

Mom — She Who Is Perfect In All Ways

POset — Our cat

Polynomial — Our dog

Secant — Our now deceased cat

Uncle Bruce — Dad's oldest brother

Uncle Craig — Dad's youngest brother

Uncle Evil — Dad's evil brother

Uncle TJ — Maternal uncle

Abby — Child care provider

Ali — Soccer friend of Corwin

Amalia — Older sister of Mara

Andrea — Soccer teammeate and classmate of Corwin.

Andreas — Former neighborhood friend of Corwin

Andrew — Andrew is a classmate of Alice’s. At the time of this writing, she refers to him as her “best friend” and is almost always playing with him when she is picked up from school....

Anwen — Jack's older sister

Ashlyn — Ashlyn is the first child, daughter, of Scott and LeAnn

Blaine — Corwin's godfather

Chloe — Friend of Charles, daughter of Corwin's den mother

Christi — A babysitter from the Older Sister's Group

Claire — Neighborhood kid

Dan — High school friend of Mom, Dad, and particularly Uncle Evil

Ella — First child, daughter, of Sara

Erica — Oppressed servant of the house

Gang Of Four — Corwin's crew

Grace — First child, daughter, of Laurie

Gwyneth — Gwyneth is the second child, daughter, of Scott and LeAnn

J-Clan — The Wildebeasts

J-Dad — Father of the Wildebeast Clan

J-Mom — Wildebeast Clan Matriarch

Jack — Soccer teammeate and classmate of Corwin.

Jacob — Friend of Corwin

Jake — Younger brother of Josh.

Jared — Third child, son, of the Wildebeasts

Jessie — Friend of the family.

Josh — Soccer teammate and classmate of Corwin

Josie — Charles' friend from school.

Keith — Soccer teammeate and classmate of Corwin.

Kirsten — Older sister of soccer teammate of Corwin, babysitter

Laurie — Dad's best friend in high school and Corwin's godmother

LeAnn and Scott — Friends of Mom from graduate school

Liam — Liam is the third child, son, of Scott and LeAnn.

Maggie — Younger sister of a Corwin baseball teammate

Maggie — Soccer friend of Corwin

Mara — Neighborhood and soccer friend of Corwin

Matt — Neighborhood kid

Megan — Soccer teammate and schoolmate of Corwin.

Miss Darcy — Daycare teacher for Charles

Noa — Noa is the daughter of graduate schools friends of Mom and Dad.

Noah — Second child, son, of Laurie

Olivia — Olivia is a girl who moved to our neighborhood in the late summer of 2008. She is roughly the same age as Charles and met him because they were in the same second grade class. Olivia is a very...

Rose — Soccer teammate, younger sister of Maggie

Sara — High school friend of Mom

Sarah — High school friend of Mom

Zina — Neighborhood friend, third of three sisters

Child Office — A room in the basement used for the children’s computers....

Pittsburgh — Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Swim Club — Private swimming club we belonged to

TexHome — Dad's parent's house in Texas

Boyen — The boys, Corwin and Charles