Mom had a jar that needed open so naturally she hands it to me so that I can provide, if so very briefly, some tiny justification for why Mom married me. Alice observed this and for some reason1 decided to go on about “Oh, Dad, you’re so strong! You opened that jar right up! No wonder Mom married you!”. The whole “happy medium” thing just doesn’t seem to occur to our spawn.
1 Certainly not because Mom made a sarcastic comment about my utility.