The other day I was annoying Corwin and decided to turn up the annoyance a bit.
Dad: Now it’s time for your double super atomic wedgie!
Corwin: Nooooo!
Dad: Yesss! [Dad turns Corwin over and slowly grabs hold of the back of Corwin’s underwear]
Corwin: Noooo! No wedgie!
Dad: Bwahahahaha! [At the final moment, Dad is struck by a pang of remorse and lets Corwin go]
Corwin: Where’s my wedgie?
Dad: I’ve decided to save that for later.
Corwin: You said you were going to give me a wedgie!
Dad: I’m not up for it right now.
Corwin: Give me a wedgie! Why won’t you give me a wedgie?!?
As a result of this, Corwin has been bugging me about getting a wedgie. He asks about it at least once a day. He explains that he’s never had a wedgie in his entire life and it is so unfair because Dad said Corwin would get a wedgie. Not only a wedgie, but a double super atomic wedgie!
But sadly, Dad is not pure evil — he’s only almost pure evil (with just a hint of lemon). Luckily, Corwin has relatives who are not as … overly concerned with moral considerations. We’ll be visiting the family at TexHome in a few weeks and I think I have something for Uncle Evil to do…
mmmuuhhhhHhHhUUUUuhaahaha I will cleave his bilateral symmetry with a quantum flux dynamic over the head wedgie from dimension E *10(vil) and he will never want for one again……
mmmMMmMmHUUhHHUAUAHAHAHA
And lo it came to pass that the fly came to the spider. And the fly wore Hanes classics. Red flashed in the eyes of the spider as he pounced and the fly seemed unawares, never having had a quantum flux dynamic over the head wedgie from dimension E*10. In a split second the hand flashing to waste band, the lift and tug, the clearing of feet from the floor, the rip of old underwear, the dad saying “don’t rip it off him”, and it was over. Corwin had advanced to the realm of wedgified. The look on his face was a mix, elation at having advanced to the wedgified and the horror at finally discovering through direct experience exactly what a wedgie is. Still the experience of a wedgie isn’t complete without the reciprocal experience of giving a wedgie. Uncle Evil called Corwin to arms and leaped on Corwin’s father. Corwin came behind him and started groping for the waste band but ran away. Uncle Evil was in real danger of receiving one himself as Alan was negotiating his way down Uncle Evils back. Corwin managed to screw up his courage and attack again. Hand to waste Band and Corwin completed his trek to wedgie land. Daddy had a wedgie. Gotta love the family that wedgies together.
UE